


the curse of fatal chad

by haha_looms



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Chongo, Crack, Cursed, Looms, M/M, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn, crispy vore, everyone is frobisher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haha_looms/pseuds/haha_looms
Summary: Scongo lands near a charming little town called Loomsville. Little does he know of the terrors that lurk within.
Relationships: Scongo/Chad (Doctor Who)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 12
Collections: Scongo is the Best Villain





	1. Chapter 1

The TARDIS landed with its typical wheezing, groaning sound that it’s always described as making in books and shit. A tall, brown-haired man wearing a black coat stepped out of the box, smirking slightly as he did so. 

“At last, the Doctor’s TARDIS is mine!” he cackled, then drummed on his hypersupersonic bongos. “Doctor! I have your TARDIS! There is no stopping me!” he shouted into the bongos, projecting his booming voice all around the town of Loomsville, where the TARDIS had landed. 

Sam looked up from killing off all the characters. “Guys? Do you hear that?”

Theta nodded. “Probably some boring villain of the week.”

Jo shook her head. “No, guys, listen. That voice…”

Clem gasped. “You’re right! Now, where have I heard that before?”

Our noble Looms citizens realized at the same time, grim expressions of realization creeping onto each person’s face. 

“Yes,” Jo muttered gravely. “Scongo!”

\---

Chad heard the disturbance even in his universe of Ant-Time. 

“Damn it, Scongo,” he groaned. He was Scongo’s rival, in a sense, meaning that any plan of Scongo’s that wasn’t stopped by the Doctor, or the Wibbler, or Frobisher (who was everyone) was his responsibility to foil. Which  _ sucked _ **_,_ ** by the way, because--

Well, never mind why he didn’t like fighting his non-anty counterpart. Sighing exasperatedly, he scooched off his Ant Throne (which was nice, because the ants had been biting him) and stepped through the portal to the normal universe.

\---

Winter looked up from their black coffee. “Hey, has anyone seen Watcher?”

\---

Hauling his bongos over his shoulder, Scongo began to walk down the hill towards the town of Loomsville. Upon reaching the bottom of the hill, Scongo placed his bongos down and was about to obliterate the town, when he spotted a humanoid figure standing with their back to him.

“Hey!” Scongo cried. “What are you doing outside your house? Aren’t you supposed to be on lockdown or- or something?” Something about the person made him uneasy, even though he was certain he had never seen them before.

The human(?) chuckled.

“No, stop that!” Scongo craned his neck, trying to get a better look at them. “Who-?”

The person turned around abruptly. “Oh, Scongo. You know who I am.” It was Watcher, a citizen of Loomsville as Scongo had originally thought. Watcher opened his eyes at Scongo and smiled a horrible smile. His eyes were wider than they should have been and unnaturally blue. “Of course,” started Watcher, “you do. I’m you, but ant-time.”

“Chad?” whispered Scongo in terror. 

“Yes,” said Chad, grinning madly. “Chad.”


	2. Chapter 2

Sam turned to Clem. “Hey, do you think Watcher got Chadified?”

Clem nodded. “It seems likely.”

Maro sighed. “When will he learn not to post selfies where Chad can see them? Sam, this is your fault.”

“My fault? How is it my fault???”

“No, I agree,” said Lily II (not Fast-Edit Lily). “If Sam hadn’t edited the photos of Watcher, he wouldn’t be so susceptible to Chad possession and cloning.”

Jo slammed her head against the tabletop. “What the fuck. I know I’m mayor but what the fuck is this town?”

“I don’t know, but Narvin and Frobisher are snogging outside the UNIT brothel and I can’t get inside to eat the crispy Master,” said Sam, looking out the window.

“Mmm. Selfcest.” Clem took a bite of kibbeh. 

Jo groaned. “Whyyyyyy.”

“Why can’t I get in? ‘Cause they’re blocking the door.” Sam said while killing Drax.

“SAM, NO!” screamed Clem.

“Sam, yes.”

“Guys, stop fighting. Sam, don’t you want to save your nemesis from the horrible Chad?” prodded Lily.

Sam shrugged nonchalantly. “Alright,” they said, and turned back to their fanfiction document, saving Watcher from Chad.

“No, like, in real life.”

“Yeah Sam, SMH,” said Clem, drawing Thansell fanart.

“Clem, did you just say ‘SMH’ out loud?” asked Winter.

“Yeah. You guys don’t do that? SMH,” said Clem, shaking their head. 

\---

“Chad, please, I can explain!”

Chad did not listen. He stepped towards Scongo with a hand outstretched, that awful grin of his marring Watcher’s face, his bright blue eyes unblinking.

“I don’t love him! I swear,-”

“Wait, what?” Chad stopped.

Scongo looked confused. “This is about the Monk, right?”

“The fuck???? Did you sleep with the Monk???”

“What?? Doesn’t everyone know about that?”

“No??? Hold on,” said Chad, retreating back towards Loomsville.

Scongo exhaled in relief. He was safe, for now.


	3. Chapter 3

Chad-as-Watcher walked towards Loomsville, whistling as he went. He mentally prepared himself to possess many Loomsville citizens, turning them all into Chads with a single touch. No, that wouldn’t work, would it? Too many Loomers. He’d have to figure out how to possess all of them at once with some sort of- 

Suddenly, Chad heard the sound of Bongos coming from up the hill. 

“Shut the FUCK up, Scongo,” snarled Chad in the general direction of the bongos. 

Scongo frowned. “Why are you so mad? I thought you didn’t care about the Monk thing. No love lost between you and I.”

Chad rolled his eyes. “There is no ‘love’ between us! There never has been and never will be!” He started walking again, and then turned. “And it’s ‘between you and me,’ by the way.” 

Scongo sighed. He caught himself staring at Chad as the latter continued walking down the hill, and shook his head violently, as though high-velocity head-shaking would clear his head. (it didn’t. ) He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes. He had to  _ think.  _ Some way to obliterate Loomsville without using the bongos, so as not to alert Chad. He stumbled back to the Doctor’s TARDIS to brianstorm. 

—-

Meanwhile, our noble Loomsvillagers we not doing anything useful with their time. Sam was making picrews of Koschei, Clem was cracking awful jokes about the Gallifreyan Founders, Lily II was writing Thansell, Jo was hacking into Google and making everything Comic Sans. You know, all the things that are to be expected of Loomspeople.

Suddenly, there was a clap of thunder as Brians began to fall from the sky.  _ Brians?  _ you’re probably asking yourself.  _ Surely that’s a typo.  _ No, it wasn’t. People named Brian were falling from the sky. Not even different people. The same person, Brian, falling at a billion different points in his timestream.

“Ah fuck,” said everybody at once. 

\----

It was a rather unpleasant landing, as landings go. Falling from the sky is never fun, and to do it several times over…

Brian stood up, rubbing his head. “Whew,” he said. “That was not fun.” He looked around.  “Hey! Chad! How are you, bro!” He ran up to him, waving.

Chad sighed, looking as though he would have hit his head against the wall, if there had been a wall anywhere near him. “Brian.”

\-----

At the same time, (this can happen because there are multiple Brians) Brian ran up to the Doctor’s-- no, Scongo’s TARDIS. He stuck one long and brittle finger into the lock and shook his hand until he felt the lock click. He tried the door. It was locked. It had been unlocked when he came up to it. What a dumbass.

He unlocked the door again and crept inside. This TARDIS was hardly furnished and mostly empty, very much unlike Brian’s own, which was covered in empty beer bottles and comfortable chairs. He sniffed the air. There was some brandy hidden in the roundels here, but there was nothing else of interest. Certain that there were no life forms on board the ship, Brian stood up confidently and screwed off one of the roundels, revealing a glass bottle and two crystal cups. He poured the amber liquid into the glass (er, crystal?) and was about to take a sip, when he heard faint footsteps coming from behind him. Silently, he shoved everything back into the secret compartment.

“Hey? Who’s there.” Brian looked around nervously.

A black-clothed figure emerged from the shadows. “Brian? What are you doing here?”

“Why didn’t I smell you when you came in?” questioned Brian.

“Anti-smell cologne, babeyyyyyyy!” Scongo took a little bottle out of his pocket.

“That makes no sense.”

Scongo jumped back onto a spinny chair. Spinning around, he said, “Your MUM makes no sense.”

“I don’t have a mom, asshole. I was loomed.”

“That’s not what your mum said last night.”

Brian opened the secret container again and poured some more brandy into the glass. Pushing the glass aside, he drained the bottle. “What the fuck.”

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Maro hummed. “You know who would be helpful? Lee.”

“Oh, good idea. Someone call her,” said Enfys.

Nate picked up his phone and dialed. “Hello? Lee? Help us.”

“No.”

Maro sighed. “Mother. Why.”

“You can figure this out on your own, I’m sure. Anyways, I’m busy. Would you like some Leela/Romana angst?”

“Please no,” said Jo, who definitely did not want Leela/Romana angst. “Do you have fluff?”

“No. Perish.” Lee hung up.

\------

“Right, so here’s the thing,” said one of the Brians (this one was talking to Chad). “I was just vibing, as you do, having a beer in the realm of Typos Not Yet Made, when I sensed a-.”

“No, let me guess. A typo.”

Brian gasped. “Yeah, exactly! How did you know?”

Chad rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Lucky guess. Look, I’m sort of busy right now, so if you wouldn’t mind…”

Brian ran up to him (Chad had gotten ahead, walking fast as to escape Brian.) “Oh? What’re you doing? I can help, maybe.” 

Chad considered for a moment. Extra help couldn’t hurt, right? “I’m trying to stop Scongo from destroying this town.”

“Oh, loorm? I’ll help. I can like, spy on him or something. I’m there now.”

“Nice. But Brian?”

“Hm?” 

“Don’t betray me.”

\-------

“Chad’s employing me to spy on you,” betrayed Brian. “Though not really ‘employing’ because I don’t, like, get paid or anything. I don’t even have dental.”

Scongo shook his head. “He doesn’t even have dental,” he said to no one in particular.


End file.
